How to Find a Husband - The WRONG way....

I now know how to find a successful, long-term relationship. This is all thanks to Steve Santagati, author of dating advice book The MANual. My mother, in her infinite wisdown, decided that her twenty one year old daughter (me) will never be able to find a mate if left to her own devices, so she bought me this book off Amazon. I did not want this book. I do not want this book still (WOuld you like it? It's free!), but I did read this book. Why? Because when one's own mother implies one is dating-challenged with a book for people who are special needs in the area of romance, you have a twenty minute freak-out that lasts just long enough for you to believe your mother must be right until the end of chapter one. Then you get offended and angry, and continue to read so you have ammunition against her for the next fight; "HEy, remeber that book you gave me? IT told me to dress like a dominatrix to attract men! What kind of a mother gives a book like that to her daughter?!!!"
I am not sure why my mother thinks I'm so dating-challenged, or why she's giving me books aimed at 35 year professional single women who want to get married even more than I currently want to spend a summer traveling through the shopping and clubbing capitols of Europe. Do I look like I fit into this demographic? It seems like just yesterday I was in grade 12 and in the "When and how should I lose my virginity?" demographic. Now I'm in the I'm desperate to get married one? Well, even so, after reading aloud from Steve's book to my male friends, they have universally informed me that the advice wouldn't get me married even if I did want to follow it.
I told my male friend R. about it. R. identifies as a nice guy. He doesn't like guys who cheat on girls and he would like to have a family someday. The book tells girls they actually do not like nice guys like this. IT says we actually want "Bad Boys" because we like edge. Steve then goes on to teach us tricks to attract bad boys, like hanging out on the beach and doing extreme sports like they supposedly do. R. Was offended. IT seems to be Steve's life mission to ENSURE nice guys finish last.
It gets worse. One of the tricks Steve recommends to attract men is to study porn, find an actress you like, and try to embody her look on a day to day basis. My guy friend Z. said, "I'd love that!" But then I asked him, "Would you marry that?" He replied, "No, but I would still love that!" Well, the point of the book was to get me married, not laid. I already knew dressing slutty could get me a one-night stand any day of the week. I'm not retarded! What the hell did my mother pay $30 for? I then told this piece of advice about dressing like a porn star to R. He said exactly what I had though, "Well, that'll get you laid, but I don't think it will get you married, or even get you a second date." S., a female friend of mine, said, "As if when any guy sees a girl dressed like a naughty nurse, he thinks 'now that's the mother of my children!'". I agree. I'm sure sexy helps attracts great guys, but subtle sexy. I- want- to -settle- down- and- not- fuck- your- best- friend-at-a-Christmas-Party sexy, as I call it. The whole point of porn is these women are supposed to be sluts any guy can fuck any time, not actual girls you go grocery shopping with.
Not all Steve's hints are bad. He tells women to go and meet men where men hang out in higher numbers, like at Home Depot. But really, I knew that already. I saw that two years ago on an episode of G-Spot. So, even when he's right, Steve's not that original. It's not surprising that he lacks sound advice, though, because Steve's only qualification is that he was a male model. At least with Greg Behrendt, who also lacked any real credentials other than being a fairly average looking guy, he makes you laugh. Greg writes down a hole bunch of obvious ways to point out a guy isn't into you, and then writes them humourously, so it's easier to accept the depressing truth that a guy not calling you, not showing up, or not sleeping with you means he's just not that into you. Steve tries to mimick Behrendt's smartassy but friendly tone, but Behrendt is an actual comedian who knows his way around a witty sentence. Male-model Steve however, seems only to be proficient at posing.