Conversation Starters

Summer is full of socializing and parties. Some times you know lots of people at parties, and sometimes you don't, so it's important to have a repertoire of sassy, sexy, witty questions and comments to whip out at a moment's notice just in case the conversation goes dry. After all, there is nothing more awkward than an awkward silence.

1. How much money would it take for your to prostitute yourself? Come on, everyone has a prostitution price. It might take up to a billion dollars, but everyone would do it! Even if you don't want the money for yourself, if someone gave you a billion dollars, think how you could help OTHER people. My minimum prositution price would be $250,000 for one night. I'm fairly confident no one will ever offer me this, as there are fairly hot and classy pros who'll do it for $400, but still, if offered, I'd take it.

2. If you had to give up one, which would you give up, food or sex? It's fun to watch people mull this over. Women usually have a pretty decided answer pretty quickly, but most men have a huge amount of difficulty deciding. Sometimes, they even try to trick you by asking, "If I give up sex for food, can I still masturbate?" My answer is usually no, because allowing that caveat would make their decision just too easy.

3. Would you rather have 5 kids or none at all? It's just interesting to watch people navigate these two extremes.

4. Which movie do you like better, Wedding Crashers or the 40 Year Old Virgin? This is a VERY controversial question. There are two firmly divided camps that WILL fight each other and might get violent, so ask this question before everyone gets drunk and aggressive.

5. Do you think Lindsay Lohan's breasts are real? Watch out, this debate can last for hours! I mean, are they too perky? Do they really jiggle the way real boobs do? I can't even decide. If they're real, though, they are some of the best breasts ever.

Well, these are my five classics. I use them often, and they aren't copy-written or anything, so other people are free to use them too!

Why do the Rich and Famous Drink and drive?

Why do celebrities drink and drive? They don't do their own laundry. They don't cook their own food. They don't pick out their own clothes. They don't negotiate their own contracts and they certainly don't raise their own children. So, why, why, when they don't do even the most basic things for themselves while sober, do celebrities get drunk or high and then decide it would be a grand old idea to drive THEMSELVES home.
Yes, why DO they do drink or do coke and drive? Why do they drive with suspended licenses? After all, they can afford to hire someone else to drive! Call a cab, or if you don't like that, rent a limo when you go to the clubs (hey, Paris gets paid $300,000 every time she just shows up at a club, so she can spring the couple hundred for a limo rental for the night), or just force your assistant to go with you and make her your designated driver in return for giving her some of the free goodies Versace and Marc Jacobs sent you this week. I mean, what is so great about driving drunk that you WANT to do it repeatedly, even when it almost ruined your career the first time you did it (Calling Lindsay Lohan).

My friends and I are Lindsay's age. We are not movie stars and do not make movie star salaries, but we somehow manage to budget for cabs home when drunk or find a sober friend to drive us. Yes, it's because we don't want to hurt anyone by doing something as dangerous as driving while intoxicated, but it's also a certain amount of selfish common sense that motivates us too: we don't want to go to jail! Movie stars can get sent to jail too. Sean Penn went, and so did Paris. You'd think they'd get the message and just stop doing it, because unlike the luxury rehab facilities these starlets can afford, jail does not let you use your cell phone or wear designer clothes or get facials whenever you feel like that. If you're so addicted that you can't think straight and can't stop yourself from driving drunk, go to rehab! Celebrity rehab actually looks like fun, if you don't count the withdrawal (from drugs, alcohol AND publicity).

Addiction is a terrible illness. When your parents are classless and whore you out from the age of ten like Lindsay's, you do't have much of a chance of escaping drugs when your crazy mom allows you to move to LA by yourself at 17. But the main problem for her is, while people might be forgiving, the insurance industry isn't. Try getting insurance for a movie starring a girl who goes to rehab once a month. It doesn't matter if you believe in her or feel sorry for her, as a Hollywood producer dealing with OTHER people's money, Lindsay's a risk you just can't take. Maybe she'll eventually become like Drew Berrymore - get her crazy mother out of her life, clean herself up, start producing her own projects and finally make a comeback after a few years of laying low. Maybe...